July 16, 2012; Washington, DC, USA; United States president Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama and daughter Malia cheer from the stands in the first half of the game between Team USA and team Brazil. at Verizon Center. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

Duke Basketball: Cameron Crazies are Terrorists, According to Petition

Just when you think you’ve seen all the zaniness the sporting world has to offer, they go and completely catch you off guard all over again.

By now, you’ve probably heard all about the Cameron Crazies controversy involving Tyler Lewis. If not, you can read about it here, or just about any other freaking website on the internet, because it is everywhere. Regardless of whether or not the Crazies are innocent, they’ve already taken a black eye as a result. You see, people love to say negative things about the Duke basketball program and they’ll run with any little thing that they feel justifies themselves, even if there is zero evidence supporting their argument and more than enough evidence supporting the idea that the Crazies are innocent.

Apparently this wasn’t enough for a person who goes by the name “T.S.” from Raleigh, NC. “T.S.” has submitted an actual petition to the actual website of the actual White House asking for the Cameron Crazies to be classified as terrorists. Yes, terrorists.

The actual petition reads:

While Duke’s student body is made up of many future leaders of our fine country, there is a small contingent that is waging a war against all that is good in our glorious land. The extremist faction of students known as the “Cameron Crazies” publicly organize in crowds topping 5,000 sometimes with the sole mission of verbal and mental harassment of student athletes. While tolerated, and sometimes even praised, in the past, the time has come to put an end to it. During last night’s competition between the men’s basketball team’s of NC State and Duke, these extremists chanted “How’s your grandma” to a grieving 18 year old while he competed during the second shot of a free throw visit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hZ9O2KOwjOk

This aggression will not stand, man

There are so many problems with this. First off, he is acting as if the Cameron Crazies are the only student section in the nation that verbally harasses opposing players. Virtually every major college program has one of those loud and annoying student sections by now. Sure, the Crazies are a lot better at being loud and annoying than most of them, but are they supposed to apologize because they’re good at what they do?

Secondly, his closing argument revolves around this ridiculous Tyler Lewis situation. If you’re going to submit a legitimate petition, it probably isn’t a good idea to have it revolve around something you have no evidence for. Like I said, there is so much evidence going against these claims that I’m not even sure how it is still an issue.

Thirdly, this person’s definition of terrorism and my definition of terrorism are really really really really different.

Fourthly, no petition should ever end with “This aggression will not stand, man.” This went from sounding like it was written by a crazy person to a crazy person who is also in a fraternity.

You can view the whole petition here for a good laugh. I hope it is a joke. It is a joke, right? Please be a joke.

Oh, people.

UPDATE: I haven’t seen The Big Lebowski in about eight years, so the last line completely flew over my head. I think we can come to the definitive conclusion that this is a joke. Faith in humanity: restored.

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